So, how am I really doing? That's a good question. I'm not really sure I have an answer. I sit here at my computer communicating with people I've known for years and I look outside to a world that is completely unfamiliar to me. It's strange and scary and I'm intimidated. I get a little apprehensive every time we walk out the door. What will this day bring? Will I be able to communicate the basics today? I thought I'd have the attitude of What do I have to lose? but instead I think, What if I lose myself? I know each day will get better. Today is better than yesterday. I learn a little more each time we leave our room, which makes me think we should just leave our room a little more:)
I went for a long walk with Emma a few days ago. I took my scripture pack with me, thinking I'd look over some verses that have encouraged me over the years. Well, the sidewalks were too much of a mess to not watch where I was pushing the stroller, so I only read one set of verses. I guess that's all I needed to read. I've been thinking about those verses for days:
Am I patient?
Am I kind?
Am I envious?
Am I boastful?
Am I proud?
Am I rude?
Am I self-seeking?
Am I easily angered?
Am I keeping a record of wrongs?
Am I delighting in evil or rejoicing in truth?
Am I protecting, trusting, hoping, perservering?
Am I full of love?? Unfortunately, I can answer yes to some of these questions. In fact, when it comes to the people I love most, I can answer yes to the questions that hurt people most. That's really sad. I want to be a better woman than I know I am. I want to be more loving, more kind, and less full of myself. Today is better. I spent a few hours playing with Emma, giving her my undivided attention and hugging and kissing her a ton! It was so good for both of us. Kevin came to eat lunch with us. I love that man. He's the most amazing husband and father and I am beyond grateful that I get to spend my life with him. Anyway, that's a little of how I'm really doing. My desire to get out and meet people is a little bit stronger than it was yesterday. I'm really missing my friends and family back home. . . and it's only been a little over a week since we left the country!
3 comments:
We miss you to sissy! Wish I could give you a big hug :)
You are a woman of God that I truly admire Sandi! You are always so real...so honest. Miss you!
Sandi, you are one of the women I respect most in my life. I love the way you parent Emma, the way you show respect to your husband, and the joy and compassion you show to your friends and family. I miss you tons.
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