One Month Today. . .

Well, we've officially been in Horizontina for one month! The last few weeks have been somewhat of a whirlwind so I'll see if I can sum it all up and give you a little glimpse into our new home. I'm amazed at how quickly the days are flying by and I wonder if 3 years will pass before I can catch my breath!?
I wish I could say that it's all been fun and games and quite an incredible experience, but I can't. Well, it has been quite an incredible experience, but it's been so much more difficult emotionally than I expected. I didn't expect to miss Ottumwa and my friends so deeply so soon. I didn't expect to miss my family so soon, especially because I rarely see them anyway. I didn't expect to be so insecure in who I am, in so many ways! I didn't expect to cry so much so soon. I didn't expect to sit at my computer for hours a day, longing for someone to connect with, even though the connection is through email and Facebook. I didn't expect to feel so lonely. I didn't expect to be so confused about life and lost from what I know to be Truth. I didn't expect to be jealous of my own husband and daughter because they are learning Portuguese way faster than I am. I didn't expect to be so annoyed at the culture and frustrated when things don't happen the way I'd like them to. I didn't expect to feel so utterly out of control. . . of everything.
I still look around some days and I wonder, Are we really here? Is this really our new home? Other days, I walk around as if I've known this place for years. On a more positive note, I am surprised at the generosity and hospitality of the people here. I am surprised at how many words I've learned in a month and how well I can get by. I am surprised how good the pizza is here and how much I love catipury cheese (like a mix of cream cheese and butter that they stuff in the crust). I am surprised at how safe I feel. I am surprised that we can't go anywhere without running into someone we know, which is funny because we were really looking forward to being anonymous for a little while! That didn't even last a day. We're the new Americans and everybody knows who we are! I am surprised at my desire to learn the language and communicate with any random passerby, even if it's just to say Oi! I am surprised at how comfortable I am in this two-bedroom hotel room! I am surprised at how little we are actually living with and a little disgusted at all the junk that's supposed to arrive in our sea freight. I am surprised that with as sad as I have been feeling, I am not ready to go home (although a visit would be nice), and I am actually looking forward to when my days are a little more normal. I am surprised at how much I really like black beans and rice. . . every day. I am surprised at how well Emma has adapted here, at how the people love her so well and at how much fun she's having!
We are still living in the hotel. Actually, we don't know when we'll be in our house. A few things have happened over the last few weeks. When we arrived and walked through our home, we were surprised at how little room there actually was. Normally, the homes are not built with closets, including hall closets or anything in the bathrooms. This particular home has no storage, except the small room outside for the pool supplies. There is a pool, but the gate around the pool is not safe for Emma. One day, she crawled under the gate and stood next to the pool. The cover was pulled over the water, but I decided we would need to replace the fence with one that is Emma-proof! It's normal here to have a security fence around the property. This house doesn't have one and we're waiting for it to be installed, which was supposed to happen 2 weeks ago. . . still no sign of a fence. We had to have a security system installed inside the house, which is happening this week. The kitchen is empty so we need to order kitchen cabinets and appliances. Basically, the house is far from ready for us to move in. Over a week ago, Kevin called and said there was another house available and there was a slight possibility that we could live there. Last Thursday, we went to look at the house. There is much more room, with guarda-roupas, or free-standing closets, in the bedrooms. There is also a pool at this home, but the fence around the pool is about 4 feet tall and it would be a very safe fence for Emma! There is more grass for her to run around in and a nice churasscaria, or barbeque area, which is very traditional here. The kitchen already has a stove and oven as well as a large deep freeze. There's a nice large pantry and storage room off the kitchen and more storage in the basement. Basically, it's a much better home for about $50 more a month. However, we have a signed contract on our first house and we're not sure how to get out of it. There's another man moving here who needs a house and we're hoping he will take ours so we can have this other one. Please pray that we'll be in the right house. There are advantages and disadvantages to both homes. With either home, it'll be at least 6 weeks before we actually move in! We're getting used to the hotel and it's been very nice here, but it will really be good to be in our own home with our own things and our own privacy. However, I'll just appreciate that someone else is cleaning my bathroom, making my bed, doing my laundry and cooking for me right now. I'm thankful to not be doing those things.
Emma is adapting well. She has learned more words than I can count and often times, she'll say both the English and Portuguese word. For instance, she'll say, "Tchau, Bye!" when we leave the hotel, and "Oh, kitty, O gato, I love you." Then she'll say random words that are fun to say, like a rua (street), aprendendo (learning), and hoje (today). Every morning she says, "Bom dia!" (good day) to everyone we see! It's really pretty amazing to hear her say the words, and say them correctly! She seems to be very comfortable here and for that I am very thankful!
Kevin has adapted very well also. He's learning the language very quickly and taking every opportunity to speak and practice, totally unafraid of making mistakes! Adapting to work has been a little more difficult because he doesn't understand everything that is being discussed, which is motivating him to work more on the language. He'll be fluent in no time at all, I'm sure. He's had a few opportunities to play guitar and it's always fun to watch him entertain people with his talent. He's found coffee that will suffice, but is very much looking forward to our stock of Starbucks beans that are packed away in our sea container! Kevin is working very hard to make sure our home is in proper order and currently he's doing research in order for us to buy a car! He's exhausted from the professional, social and family demands that are being required of him, but he's handled it all with grace, patience, and flexibility. He's already traveled for a week and he'll travel again next week and again in the middle of June. At least one week a month, he'll be in Porto Alegre, at the Montenegro factory, where his boss sits. It's about 6 hours away and he'll take a bus there on Monday mornings, returning on Friday afternoons. Emma and I will look forward to those Friday evenings with him!
I think my time here has been difficult. I'm learning a few things about the culture that have been hard. I am a stay-at-home mom. It's what I've wanted to do for so long. This is my job, what I'm pouring my time and energy into. I love getting together with other moms and sharing life while the kids play. I love being with our daughter. It's different here. There are very few stay-at-home moms. Brasil is a hierarchy class structure. The more money one has, the better treatment one will receive. It is very important for people to show they have money. If a family is poor, the mom must work to help put food on the table. Thus, the children are either in some sort of daycare or they are being cared for by a nanny or relative. If a family has money, the mom can afford to pay someone to take care of her children. Then she can go have coffee with her other wealthy girlfriends, or have manicures and massages, or just go shopping. Some of this I have seen, some of the information comes from the other American moms here, both of which are leaving in the next few weeks! I'm still looking for the Brasilian friend who stays home with her child or children. . . another prayer request.
As I write this and look back at what I've written, I wonder if there are some things to learn, some lessons that God is going to teach me. I've been so self-sufficient and in control of so much of my life. I knew in saying yes to this assignment, I was saying yes to a more difficult road. I also knew that I'd be a different person after my time here. I just didn't know what that would look like. I want to be more flexible. I want to be more open to change. I want to be more patient and less whiny when things don't go my way. I want to appreciate people and relationships and worry less about time and silly things. I want to be a better wife, a better mom, a better friend. I just don't feel like I have anything together right now.
OK, there you go. I guess that's a little bit of how we're doing, physically, emotionally, professionally. Thanks for walking with us on this journey. I know it's only been a month. It's amazing how loaded one month can be. I hope that you can read this and somehow know that I know we're in the right place at the right time. I believe that. I trust that God is going to take us through mountains and valleys that we never could have experienced had we stayed in the States. We need this. I need this. Please pray for us as we transition to a new culture, a new home, and a new life.