Swollen Lips and Cultural Sensitivity. . .

For the past three years, Kevin and I have tried very hard to be sensitive to the culture we are living in. There are many differences between the American way of doing/saying things and the Brazilian way. And while we are not perfect and have failed many times in our attempts to be sensitive, we are also very aware that the Brazilians have failed, too. I'm not upset. Rather, it's been a fun subject to discuss with other Americans. This isn't always the case, but lately, these moments of cultural insensitivity have been the topic of many conversations. For example:
Swollen Lips - A few days ago Emma and I went to visit a good Brazilian friend of mine. We walked into her workplace and she smiled and greeted me with, "Quem esta aqui, a menina com as labios inchados?" I understood what she said, but the words weren't registereing because of the translation. I asked her to repeat and she said it again, kind of grinning. I touched my lips and asked her again to explain what she meant, feeling suddenly embarrassed. Translation - "Who is here, the girl with the swollen lips?" My friend then explained that since I'm at the end of my pregnancy, I'm getting all swollen. I'm 38 weeks along and really didn't think I was that big, let alone swollen. I've gained way less weight than I did with Emma and I'm feeling really good. However, I spent the next half hour trying to suck my lips in, wondering just how big they must look to her. I think they really did start to swell after trying so hard to suck them in. Now, I know Brazilians are pretty straightforward with how they describe people, but that's usually when they're talking about someone else. For instance, if they think someone is overweight, they describe that person as "gordinha" or chubby. Nobody has ever told me to my face anything that would make me feel awkward. Now I'm self-conscious about my fat lips and I'm wondering how many more people are going to greet me with, "Hey there, swollen lips!"
Fat Boy - Kevin's first boss here was great. We really enjoyed spending time with his family, which wasn't very often because they lived six hours from here. After not having seen the wife for several months, she greeted Kevin with a hug and kiss, looked him up and down and then said, "O Kevin, voce se-engordou!" Translation - "Kevin, you put on weight!" What he heard, "Kevin, you got fat!" Fortunately, Kevin chose not to respond with something sarcastic.
Awkward Moment with the Masseuse - Several weeks ago, I went in for a prenatal massage. My masseuse is a good friend of mine and I've learned a lot from her. The first time I ever went in for a massage here, I was wondering when the lady would leave so I could get undressed. She never left. Not only did she not leave, she didn't turn her back to give me any privacy. Not only did she not turn her back, she stood in front of me, less than three feet away while I undressed. She even offered to help me get undressed. No thank you, I've been undressing myself for over thirty years now. Over the last few years here, I've gotten used to that and politely decline the help. I don't rush to the table and duck under the sheets anymore because I've found that usually there isn't anything to duck under! I inwardly cringe a little as I lay there until the masseuse lays a too-small towel over less than half of my mostly-naked body. I try to go to a far-away place in my mind, remembering that the massage is so worth it. One hour for about fifteen US bucks!! Can't beat that!! I can handle a little bit of weirdness for a great massage! Or so I thought. My friend, whom I found about a year and a half ago, was also pregnant during my massage a few weeks ago. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks and she was commenting on how much I had grown. I turned my back to her and got mostly undressed, just down to my underwear. I turned toward her and started walking toward the table, anxious to crawl under the sheet (because I really haven't gotten over strutting around mostly-naked in front of the Brazilians). I took two steps toward the table and my friend was suddenly down on her knees, greeting my belly and talking to my baby. She was having a one-sided conversation with my belly and I was standing there with my jaw dropped and wondering what in the world was going on! It was like I had left the room and it was just her and my belly. It wasn't just a five-second conversation, either! No, this went on for like two minutes, although it felt like thirty. I'm certain I broke into a sweat! She was asking my baby questions, telling her that she was going to have a playmate when she arrives, asking her how she was feeling, complaining that her mommy (me) hadn't given her a name yet, etc., all the while, touching my belly and talking with her face just a few inches away. Kevin does that, but come on! A-w-k-w-a-r-d!! I just stood there, not knowing what to say or do, but certain that I'd never find a masseuse, or friend for that matter, who would do such a thing in the U.S. Apparently she forgot that I'm American and even though we Americans like massages, we still have this thing called "personal space". I've been told Brazilians don't know how to translate that phrase.
Awkward Moment with Another Masseuse and Friend- After the previous awkward experience, I wasn't sure I could bring myself to go back. However, my friend had stopped working because her baby was due and I thought it might be nice to have someone new, someone who maybe I didn't have to talk to. One more prenatal massage was sounding great, aside from the possibility of some weirdness. All was going well, so well that I was almost asleep. Then I heard the doorbell ring. The masseuse said she'd be right back, she was just going to check to see who it was. (It's not unusual for the masseuse to answer her cell phone during the massage or to answer the door for a client who's entering.) I nodded and closed my eyes, thankful to be so relaxed. Nevermind that my backside was hanging out of the sheet. (I was laying on my left side with all of my backside exposed to the door where she had exited, but I wasn't really thinking anything about it.) Nope, wasn't thinking anything about it at all, until I heard, "Oi, Mae!" or "Hello, Mama!" My eyes shot open, my entire body tensed up (including my exposed backside), and I slowly turned toward the open door to see my friend Catia entering. Apparently, it's OK to interrupt a massage and let the friend of a client into the room!! I lay there, clutching the sheet to the front of my body, trying really hard not to look like I was shocked out of my mind. I asked her what she was doing and she said she had seen my car parked out front and wanted to see how I was doing because she hadn't seen me in a few days. I couldn't respond with what I was thinking, like, "Um, I'm fine, but I'm obviously kind of busy at the moment, thank you!" Then it got really weird because she lifted up the sheet to see how big my belly had gotten. I was still clutching it to my chest, but she obviously didn't seem to notice the force with which I was holding it to me. Nope, she touched my belly, talked to my baby, and then asked if we'd like to go to the river with her and her husband that weekend. I couldn't really concentrate enough to give her a real response. I told her I'd talk to Kevin. Sweat was pouring down my forehead and every other place on my body. Oh, the masseuse? She was standing at my backside, just listening and waiting. Finally, after five minutes of severe awkwardness, my friend left, the masseuse closed the door, and my massage resumed. I lay there thinking, "Only in Brazil." I haven't been back for a massage since.

There are so many more experiences, but those are the top ones lately. Fortunately, we've been here long enough to laugh some of these things off, but they have definitely impacted me. I'm sure I'll have a few more experiences to share before we leave this great country. Sometimes I just think, "There's no place like home!"