Re-Entry Part 4. . .

Part 4. It should be Part 400 because that's how many posts I've written in my head about coming back here. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to get those thoughts onto paper, so they're just floating around in my head, waiting ever so patiently for me to muddle through them. So here are a few more thoughts. . .
Over the last two and a half months, I've felt a wide range of emotions, from being overwhelmed to overjoyed and ecstatic to depressed. Seriously, so many people have said it's harder to return to your home country than to move to a foreign one. Maybe it's because I've forgotten how hard those first months were in Brazil. Maybe it's true. At any rate, I've had some rough days, but also some really great ones.
I'm not feeling as lost as I was a few weeks ago, but those feelings were intense. I felt so out of place here. I found myself wanting to speak Portuguese with someone, anyone. I often feel like a stranger here. In Horizontina, everyone knew I was one of the Americans and most people wanted to talk and make some sort of small conversation, even complete strangers. Here, I'm just another woman getting her groceries or taking her kids to the park.
I don't recognize songs or artists on the radio. I don't know most of the faces that grace the covers of magazines. Seems like there are so many "new" famous people. I don't know what they do or who they are. I'm OK with that, but it does make me feel like I've been gone for a while. One day I was curious as to who some of those people were, so I bought a magazine. Stupid idea. People are famous for really stupid reasons. Maybe our culture has always been like that and I didn't notice. Maybe I'm just older. Wow, though.

I've been to WalMart a few times. I thought I'd really love it, but I don't. When we'd come back for our visits, I'd go there almost every other day and I was so overwhelmed at all the fun stuff I could and couldn't buy to take back to Brazil with us. Now I'm just disgusted at all the crap. I spend a lot less on junk because I know I don't need it. I think I had a problem before I left. I'd go to the store for a few things and come out with twelve items I didn't need but thought I could use. Most of that needless junk is still in a drawer somewhere, waiting to be used!! Now I go in with a list and don't really buy anything that's not on it. Better for me and the budget:)
I love, love, love that I can go grocery shopping after 8pm. Oh my goodness! The grocery store in Horizontina closed at 8pm. It was only open for 3 hours in the morning on Sundays. Sometimes what I wanted/needed wasn't there and wouldn't be for weeks to come. I guess they didn't operate on supply and demand. I got used to it, but it was often frustrating. I feel like I can depend on the stores here to be stocked with what I need every time I go. So far I haven't been disappointed.
My first few experiences at the grocery store were paralyzing. I just stood and stared at the aisles, not knowing where to start. I was so excited to go get some good, whole wheat bread. I walked down the aisle to find the bread and found not only whole wheat bread, but thirty-eight different kinds of it! Oh, and the butter?? Do they even make such a thing called butter anymore? No, you have to choose between butter with olive oil, butter with omega-3s, butter with butter, or butter that's not really butter but tastes like butter. Holy cow, it was hard to choose something so simple as butter! I had no idea what some of the new brands even were! I was so excited to see the fruit. Everything looked so fresh and clean and there were no fleas hovering over the produce. No worms crawling out of the tomatoes. No cockroaches running through the aisles. Blueberries, strawberries, raspberries, and beautiful veggies. It felt like the Wizard of Oz, going from black and white to color!! OK, that's not entirely true. Brazil has some amazing mango, pineapple and bananas. They're just lacking in the berry area. As I went to check out, I was almost giddy that the checker was using the conveyor belt. See, the big, newer grocery store had conveyor belts, but I don't think the checkers ever learned to use them. I'd pile all my groceries on the belt and the checker would reach as far as she could for everything and then wait for me to move it all closer to her. I wanted to scream every time I had a big load. Unfortunately, I never learned how to speak really sarcastically there. I didn't explain to the checker here how great it was to see him using the conveyor belt; I just stood there smiling like it was the greatest invention ever made. Just when I thought all was great and I was happy to be in a wonderful American grocery store, the bagger (or whatever you call the person who bags your groceries), smiled at me and wished me a great day. In Brazil, they would never let you carry your groceries to your car by yourself. Well, they would if you told them you wanted to, but that would be weird. They were so great about hauling my load to the car. So here, I have Emma and Adri and sixteen bags hanging every which way, and the bagger smiles and says to have a great day. I just frowned and wished him the same. So many mixed feelings. So many great things to love here and so many great things to miss about being there.

A few random comments by Emma:
"Mommy, what's a sprinkler?" They don't water their grass in Brazil. They just use power-washers to clean their sidewalks.
"Mommy, what's a screen?" Yes, those don't really exist in abundance there either. It would be nice if they did, but nobody has figured that one out yet.
She called a basketball a soccer ball last week. She hasn't seen a basketball game since she was two, so she didn't remember.
After 6+ weeks back, we went to Menard's for some home improvement items. She went to the bathroom, wiped and threw her toilet paper in the trash can next to the toilet. She's not the only one in the family who's done that. (Adri is the only one who hasn't made that mistake yet). Oh, and she jumped off the toilet when it self-flushed. I think she thought it was going to swallow her. I tried to hide my laugh, but it was kind of funny.

I've been amazed at how rude people are with their facial expressions and finger expressions. Yes, Kevin and I have each been given the bird (what a strange expression, by the way. Did you know if you google "given the bird", Wikipedia will show you a picture of what that looks like?). Many times while driving or even walking through the store, when I have accidentally gotten in someone's way, I've seen a rolling of the eyes, a loud, disgusted sigh, a glare, you name it. People in Brazil just always seemed so friendly and forgiving. I mean, always. One time in over three years, a woman was rude to me. I later heard that she's rude to everybody, so I didn't hold that against the Brazilians. Anyway, I've been shocked at how easy it is for people here to be so rude to complete strangers. I haven't had the nerve yet to speak up and ask them if it's really OK for them to act like that. I wonder if they feel better afterward?? It's not all bad. I have had some really great experiences with new people, too.

When I was living in Brazil, I quickly realized that I don't dress like the Brazilians. I mean, those women really care about their appearance! I've always been really comfortable in my running clothes and never thought about what others thought about that. One of my language teachers told me that being treated well could depend on the clothes a person was wearing. I find that strange now because people always seemed kind, even when I looked like poo. For a while, I wore nicer clothes when I went to the store and I didn't wear my flip flops out in public. That didn't last long, though. My running shoes and Tevas are my favorite shoe of choice, so I fell back into that comfort. I was very aware that I didn't have the cutest shoes on the block, or even in the whole town. I didn't care, but I was aware. Well, one night I went to pick Emma up from Vacation Bible School. A bunch of parents were standing around waiting for the kids and I happened to glance down. Suddenly I was checking out everybody's feet. Flip flops and tennis shoes were the only shoes I saw. No cute high heels. No fancy leather boots. Nope, just comfy, easy, summer shoes. I was so excited! I looked at my own dirty running shoes and felt so happy inside. Yes, I really was back in America:)

So many more thoughts, but I'll wrap up this entry. Tchau for now.