On Our Way Home. . .

It's almost 1am here. I should have been asleep hours ago. My mind is running a million miles an hour though and I thought writing out some of my thoughts would help.
We're leaving our home in 9 1/2 hours (6:30am Central Time). We'll drive about 3 1/2 hours to the closest airport. We'll fly to Sao Paulo and wait for over 5 hours before getting on our international flight to Dallas. My sister Elise will be there to welcome us to the States and we'll get to hang out with her for a few hours before flying to Kansas City. My brother Benjamin will pick us up there and we'll spend some time with his family before driving on to Ottumwa. Providing all flights are on-time and the roads are open, we'll unload our bags sometime Wednesday evening!!
Our suitcases are 98% packed. Only toiletries remain. Snacks are packed for Emma. Extra clothes for the flights. We're leaving our home wearing summer clothes, but we are very aware that we're not heading to the beach! I actually had fun filling the suitcases this time because I didn't need any of the clothes I was packing! Sweaters, jeans, long-sleeved shirts, socks! I haven't worn a pair of socks in months! Guess I'll leave the flip flops behind:( So far, I'm below the weight limit with all four suitcases. That's kind of exciting to me, considering some of the things I packed (um, rocks aren't light).
I'm not nervous about the flights. When we came here, Emma slept all but 20 minutes of our 10-hour flight. She was awesome. I'm not worried about her. She really loves to travel and is easily entertained. I love to travel. I don't sleep well on planes, but I'm not really worried about the long flight. Pretty sure the adrenaline will be flowing enough to get me through at least a few days before I crash! Kevin will probably have a nice, healthy (or not-healthy) dose of Tylenol PM and we'll all be happy campers when we arrive in Dallas and KC!! I'm hopeful anyway.
I'm not nervous about going to Moundridge or Goodland. We've been away from our childhood homes for so long that it's just normal to go home and unload our suitcases for a few days before leaving again. Kevin's brother is getting married the day after Christmas and we are really excited for that day. We're excited for all the family time and happy that Emma will get to spend time with her cousins and grandparents and great-grandparents too! Yes, I'm even a little excited for her to be around her uncles, but don't tell them. I'm slightly nervous about what they'll teach her! I can't wait for Emma to play with her cousins, on both sides. I'm really excited for her to play and be able to understand what other little kids are saying. Lately, she's been looking at me and telling me something with the intention of me translating for her. She's very aware that she and other kids here don't speak the same words. That will change one day, I know. This trip home will be good for her though. I'm excited to see my in-laws. I'm really excited to see my dad and hug him and listen to him talk and talk and talk. I can't wait to hug my sisters and sisters-in-law, especially after these last few weeks. So many things have happened in the lives of people in my family and all I want to do is hug them. I just want to look at real faces and not pictures. I'm so excited!!
And while I'm really excited to go to Ottumwa, I think it's going to be the most difficult place for me to be emotionally. I can't even begin to explain the excitement that's running through me right now!! I AM SUPER-INCREDIBLY-WAY-TOO-MUCH EXXXXCIIIITTTEDD!!! The challenging side of the visit is that Ottumwa isn't my home anymore. Life has kind of gone on without us. We had a place there. We have many memories there. But we aren't there anymore. It's OK and it will be just fine and probably way better than fine. It will be wonderful to be back in Ottumwa. It'll just be different. We left 8 months ago. EIGHT MONTHS!! I kind of feel like we've been in a time warp and when we arrive into town, everything will be just as it was when we left. That was home for 6 years. We went there after we returned from our honeymoon. I trained for my marathon there, running up and down and around the town. Emma was born there. Some of my deepest friendships were built in Ottumwa and I have lifelong friends in that town. I'm just a little nervous about that feeling of "not fitting in". I know it's not crazy and I know it's totally normal, but it's also just a little overwhelming. I'm nervous about spending time with people, not because I think it'll be awkward, but because there just won't be enough of it! I will spend countless hours catching up with girlfriends, holding new babies, watching Emma play with other kids, talking to good friends whom we love very much, staring at familiar people, etc., and at the end of our time there, I know I will want more. I'm craving time with people who know me, people who I really know. Mmmm. . . I would jump on the plane right now if I could!! I'm a little nervous about how people have changed. How have I changed? What if I can't explain why I feel the way I do about some things? What if I can't get the right words out to explain the last eight months? How do I share that while this is an amazing experience, it's, by far, been the most challenging eight months of our lives? I want to be able to explain that I love it here. But I also don't love it here. We are sure we are supposed to be here and yet, at times, we'd give anything to be back in familiar territory. We miss our friends, our home, our church, our town. It's all a little different now. We are a little different.
Well, it's now only 9 hours until we leave! Maybe I should just keep writing until it's time to go!! OK, not really. I'm exhausted, but I'm so very very happy. I'm looking forward to hearing the sound of familiar voices, to the sight of familiar and well-known faces, to the taste of good ole American food! It'll all be worth it. We're going home. . .

PS I'm also really really really excited to flush my toilet paper down the toilet:)